I didn't have a problem with body image until I became comfortable being gay. When I was exclusively dealing with females I didn't give a second thought about dieting, exercising, and things like that. I figured as long as my dick remains big I'm cool. Even when I finally decided to be myself and deal with men (at first) I didn't have an issue with my body. The muscle boys, although nice to look at, never did anything for me so I knew that's not the type I was trying to attract. It wasn't until I was called "fat" for the first time by some dude I turned down that I began obsessing. Now that door is open and my mind won't allow me to close it no matter how much I diet or exercise. Now I often fantasize about getting cosmetic surgery. I watch shows like extreme makeover or doctor 90210, and think to myself "If I could afford it I would do it". Larry gets upset that I feel this way. He loves just the way I am. In fact when I was working out like crazy he had mixed feelings about the results. On one hand he said it looked OK, but he didn't like holding me as much because my body was too hard, lol.
It's no secret that we as a society base our opinion of people based on their appearance. There is more pressure than ever for both men and women to look like a model. The media maybe be partly at fault when it comes to how people think they are supposed to look. Majority of magazine covers (such as Men's Health) and billboards (like Calvin Klein) give the perception of the ideal and desired man as one who is perfectly fit. Personally I don't know to many people that look like those guys. I offer wonder if those guys are the ideal archetype of what a man is supposed to look like, then why are the lonely and looking for "love" on the web like the rest of us "less desirables"?
I often beat myself up, and call myself fat. I make comments to Larry saying I understand if he wants to leave me for Pierre (my imaginary arch enemy ) because he has a world class body, super firm booty, and is a cover boy. That often results in a tough love slap on the bottom followed by a hug and a kiss and re-conformation that I am fine just the way I am. I do watch what I eat, I do exercise, and I am health conscious. I just realize now that I will never have that "cover boy" body no matter how hard I work at. God just didn't build me to look like that I guess. I just have to face that fact and move on. Both my parents are plus size, so I guess that's another reason I am hard on myself and obsess. I don't want to approach the 250 ILB mark.
I use to think all brothas were supposed to look like this. I have to admit the dude is fine, but as I said before I don't know too many people in real life that look like this.
This is me. Mr. SJB. not exactly the same thing I know, but it's who I am. You know what... I am alright with that. I am discovering that as long as you are honest with yourself and who you are, people will accept you and love you for just that.
That was a really great post. I need to learn how to get past many of my physical features and learn to love me for me too. But thats alot easier said than done
ReplyDeleteThanks Chay.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a problem a lot of folks have. I am still working on dealing with it myself, but like you said it's easier said than done.
I know what you mean...weight is something that happens gradually...I've been feeling the same way you have, but I now see that it is all about attitude and doing what works for you...I used to hate it when I run across someone I haven't seen in a while and they comment on my weight...now I am like OK, is there anything else? So fighting your body is okay as long as you don't loose more than a few pounds
ReplyDeleteI think this is a topic that everyone can relate to. We've all been there. Luckily for me as I've gotten older I've come to accept myself for who I am. I've never been a thin guy, although I don't think I'm fat I'm definitely not a "normal" or "average" sized duded. I'm a Thickkboy! I'm fine with that. These days people place way too much emphasis on the physical and not enough on anything else. That usually leads to a lot of emptiness in many areas... friendships, relationships and even an empty feeling in yourself. I've learned that if you love yourself for who you are and how you look and you take pride in that, other people will notice and appreciate you that much more for being comfortable in your own skin. I know for me that is the case. Ever since I started really loving my looks and my thickness everyone else seems to be that much more attracted to it. SJB...good post! you look great as you are man, and after reading all of your blogs I appreciate you much more for knowing that the man behind it all has got a good head on his shoulders. Keep up the good work!
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