The Male Mind & Body Connection: Vol.1

The mister and I were having a conversation over dinner that lead to many other interesting conversations. One those conversations was about an article I was reading from a Yahoo group I belong to. The topic of the article was how the male body during sex is not a victim of the mind, but rather it is a trained response to pleasure. What this means is such disorders as premature ejaculation are not mental, but physical. If your body is use to having an orgasm after feeling a certain sensation after a certain length of time then that is what it's going to do all the time.This got me to think about my situation in a new light. Let me explain.

Since I have been dealing with men, I have NEVER been able to cum by having intercourse. The only one that has been able to make me cum by oral sex is my dude, and even that took years to accomplish. I have had some of the best ass Atlanta has to offer. I have been with guys that can literally take my dick all night long and I still wouldn't cum. This may seem like a dream situation for most men, but trust me it's not. I never have experienced full pleasure from anal sex with a man. Well, I take that back... years ago I did something stupid and had unprotected sex with a dude (who I know very well now) and without the condom the ass felt so good I only lasted about 10 minutes before I was pulling out and painting the walls with my juice. But since I don't have unprotected sex anymore that sesation is just a memory.

According to this article I have been reading I have the opposite of premature ejaculation which is known as DELAYED ejaculation. After reading I come to realize I am at fault for this condition. I have been doing some research and what I found out is very interesting. According to the Medical Encyclopedia:

Delayed ejaculation is a medical condition in which a male is unable to ejaculate, either during intercourse or with manual stimulation in the presence of a partner. Ejaculation is the action in which semen is release from the penis.

Causes

Most men ejaculate within 2 to 4 minutes after onset of active thrusting in intercourse. Men with delayed ejaculation may be entirely unable to ejaculate in some circumstances (for example, during intercourse), or may only be able to ejaculate with great effort and after prolonged intercourse (for example 30 to 45 minutes).

The most common causes for delayed ejaculation are psychological. Common psychological causes include:

• A strict religious background causing the person to view sex as sinful
• Lack of attraction for a partner
• Conditioning caused by unique or atypical masturbation patterns
• Traumatic events (such as being discovered in masturbation or illicit sex, or learning one's partner is having an affair)

Some factors, such as anger toward the partner, may be involved.

Other causes:

• Certain drugs (such as prozac, mellaril, and guanethidine)
• Neurological disease such as strokes or nerve damage to the spinal cord or back

Exams and Tests

Stimulation of the penis with a vibrator or other stimulatory device may determine if an underlying physical (often neurological) problem exists. A neurological examination may uncover other nerve problems associated with delayed ejaculation.

Treatment

If the man has never ejaculated through any form of stimulation (such as wet dreams, masturbation, or intercourse), a urologist should be consulted to determine if there is a congenital or physical cause.

If, however, he is able to ejaculate in a reasonable period of time by some form of stimulation, he should seek sex therapy from a therapist specializing in ejaculatory problems. Treatment usually includes both partners. The therapist will usually educate the couple about the fundamentals of sexual response and how to communicate and guide the partner to provide ideal stimulation, rather than trying to make a sexual response occur.

Therapy commonly involves a series of homework assignments wherein the couple, in the privacy of their home, engage in sexual activities that reduce performance pressure and focus on pleasure.

Typically, sexual intercourse will be prohibited for a limited period of time, while the couple gradually enhances their ability to enjoy ejaculation through other types of stimulation.

In cases where there is a problematic relationship or an inhibition of sexual desire between the couple, therapy to enhance the relationship and emotional intimacy may be required as a preliminary step.

Sometimes hypnosis may be a useful adjunct to therapy, particularly if a partner is not willing to participate in therapy. Self-treatment of this problem will probably be unsuccessful in most cases.

If a medication is believed to be the cause of the problem, other medication options may be discussed. (Never stop taking any medicine without first talking to your doctor.) This may be difficult in certain instances, especially when the medication is working appropriately to solve a pre-existing medical or psychological problem.

Outlook (Prognosis)

Outpatient treatment commonly requires about 12 - 18 sessions with an average success rate in the range of 70 - 80%.

A more positive outcome is associated with having a previous history of satisfying sexual experiences, a short duration of the problem, feelings of sexual desire, feelings of love toward one's sexual partner, motivation for treatment, and absence of serious psychological problems.

If medications are causing the problem, your health care provider may recommond switching or stopping the medicine (if possible). A full recovery is possible if this can be done.

Possible Complications

Marital stress, sexual dissatisfaction, inhibited sexual desire, and avoidance of sexual contact may result if the problem is not addressed and remedied.

Prevention

Healthy attitudes toward sexuality and one's own genitals helps prevent delayed ejaculation. It is also vitally important to realize that you cannot will a sexual response, just as you cannot will yourself to go to sleep or to perspire. The harder one tries to have a certain sexual response, the more it becomes inhibited.

To minimize the pressure, a man should absorb himself in the pleasure of the moment, without worrying about whether or when he will ejaculate. The partner should create a relaxed atmosphere, free of pressure, rather than create pressure with questions about whether or not ejaculation has occurred. Finally, any fears or anxieties, such as fear of pregnancy or disease, should be openly discussed.

Notice that I put one of those causes in red ink? Well that is my problem. I jack off just about everyday, even when I am not feeling well. It is something I have been doing since I was 13. At this point it's just as routine for me to do as brushing my teeth, or taking a shower. I jackoff even when I am not horny. I may jack cause I am bored, I may jack cause I am sad, I may jack when I am mad,hell it's never no rhyme in reason to it anymore. Sometimes I am not even hard when I jack, I just wave my floppy dick from side to side hoping seeing comes out. Many nights I have fallen asleep with it in my hand. When I awake in the morning I can't remember how it got there. There have been ALOT of times when me and Larry have just finished having great sex, and when he falls alseep I jack again. I think I may have a problem. I remember being a teen, and jacking off up to ten times a DAY!!!! I am not kidding. Now that I am knocking on the door of my 30's those days are long behind me. Still this feeling of not being totally sexually fulfilled (which is NOT my partner's fault at all, he is the bomb) is starting to get to me.

After consulting with some physicians I learned that this is a very simple problem to fix. Well, simple on paper anyway. The suggested solution is to simply retrain my body. A sexual detox if you will. First step is to not have sex of ANY kind for at least a week. A WEEK!!!. That means only touching my dick to piss and clean it. This is where it ALL depends on the mental. This morning was my goodbye to the pleasure of shootin' the juice for the next 7-14 days.

Step two is re-training my body on how to orgasm "properly". According to the docs, men often mastrubate at a "frantic" pace. For chronic mastrubaters like me this means that once we do have intercourse it may take forver, if at all to cum because we are not thrusting at the rate our body is use to in order to cum. So the remedy to this is that after the 1-2 weeks of no sex start mastrubating at a much slower, "relaxed" pace. A pace that emulates the way I would have regular intercourse with my partner. This is going to be VERY difricult for me. After 15 years of jackin' like a rabbit how do I "make love" to myself? Do I dim lights, throw on my Kem cd, and just go for it? This is going to be hard, but fun at the same time.

The docs also suggest that I start using quality lube. I have always been a dry jacker. When it comes to lube I can take or leave it when I am doin' myself. He suggested using real sex lube, not lotion, grease, cocoa butter, vasoline, baby oil, or any other poor man's "lube". Guess that means I will be bumming some of my dude's WET. He has a half gallon of that stuff so he's not going to mind. Another thing they suggest is to try jackin' in different positions, and not just on my back. I have never done this before. As I said earlier jackin' off for me is just something I do just cause. So I never thought about putting any serious effort into it.

Next on the rehabilitation list is learning how to control when I cum. One of the suggestions is trying different combinations of hand play. I am right handed, so I will try doing it with my left hand, with both hands, criss crossed hands, flip of the wrist, etc. They also suggested I try toys. I have to admit I have always wanted one of those fleshlight toys I see all the guys with on xtube, so this gives me a reason to shell out the money to get one. And lastly they suggest I involve my partner. Meaning (before the step to full on intercourse) I let my partner jack me off, and give him full control. This suggestion I like ALOT, lol.

Overall, although I know this is going to be a difficult process, if it gets me to where I want to be sexually then I will do what it takes. I have a supportive partner, a new job to focus on, and of course school so it''s not like I should be bored or find myself with downtime to jack. If I do find myself with nothing to do I have come up with alternatives to mastrubation. I could...

1. Exercise
2. Read
3. Play Video Games
4. Study
5. Blog (write)
6. Meditate
   
7. Go for a walk with my dude
   

Or anything else I can think of that doesn't involve me playin with myself. I feel good about this rehab thing and of course I will let y'all readers know how I'm progressing with it. Wish me well.

Day 1 begins.... NOW!