Friends: The Definition (part one)

I was having a conversation with the Mister about him having a social outlet after he decides to leave his card club. After some wrangling he admitted that he is not satisfied with the quality of friendships that he has, and that he wants to change that aspect of his life.



According to Wikipedia friendship is

co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

• the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
• sympathy and empathy,
• honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
• mutual understanding.

I think in today's world the word "friend" is used freely to the point of being meaningless. Think about it... if any of you have a myspace or facebook page, how many "friends" do you have? hundreds or maybe even thousands right? Now ask yourself how many of those people do you really know, how many of those folks have shown any of the traits listed in the above definition. That list of hundreds starts to get weaved out very quickly huh?! My point being is that I believe friendship is something that should be taken seriously. After all it is a relationship, more than likely just as intimate as a courtship except without the sex.



(Back to Mister) So I asked him why he wasn't happy with the quality of his friendships. His answer didn't surprise me. He could only name a couple of folks that had the traits of what he considers makes a true friend. The people he named I would have to agree are true friends to him. They have been there for him threw the storm and never left his side. Speaking with Mister made me think about my "friends" and how I really feel about them. Throughout my life, especially since relocating to Atlanta back in 2002 there have been alot of folks enter my life and exit it just as quickly. I have had alot of people here in ATL befriend me because they had an agenda. Either they get free computer work from me, or free movies, or more than likely see what I'm packin and try to get me in bed with them. Either way once they get enough of what they wanted they are gone. I guess that's why I am so cold and nonchalant with people. I have built this shield around me and no longer allow any access to my heart in anyway.



Last year I was "friends" with this guy who I thought was a true friend. He exhibited alot of those traits in the above definition. He was concerned about my well being. Made it his business to meet my friends and family. Offered advise on whatever he could. I mean it was good. I also did the same for him. He loves music like I do so I showed him where to get it, how to get it, etc... Well things went sour, and that's putting it lightly. New Years Eve 2007 I found out some stuff that just made all those good qualities he exhibited go out the window. I won't go into detail but it was dirty to say the least. He did try to redeem himself, and expressed genuine regret and sorrow for what had happened, but by that time I had reactivated the shield and became ice cold. After months of trying he finally gave up, and we no longer speak. Last time I saw him was in March. He periodically hits me up on yahoo, but he now acts like an asshole. For what I don't know and really don't care. He has since been blocked, and when I do that it's usually the last step of me forgetting someone even exist.



I was once told that eventually all relationships fail. People grow up and grow apart and that's just how it is. I don't want to believe this true. My best friends back home in Harrisburg (The twins) I thought would be my friends forever. I haven't talked to them in 5 years... not because we mad at each other, in fact I still love them. It probably was destined that our friendship will run its course and come to an end. The SJB that they knew is dead. They knew a SJB that was deep on the DL (in the closet), They knew a SJB that liked to smoke, that was a thief, a cheat, and a liar. They knew a SJB that was angry, selfish, rude, and reckless. A SJB that was down for anything to help them. He is dead and buried now. He breathed his his last breath in Grady hospital in 2004 (more on that burial in a later post).