My Country of Older Men

As far back as I can remember I have been attracted to older men. I remember being a child and watching Spencer for Hire with my mother looking at Avery Brooks who played Hawk, and thinking Wow! I like him... in a different way than boys are supposed to like other boys. As I became older this attraction grew to the point of only older men could hold my interest. I have told this to some of my friends (who are older of course) and they said that it more than likely stems from a lack of a father figure as a child, so my attraction for older can really be my need for a "Daddy". I did grow up without my father. I didn't establish a bond with him until I was already grown, so it may be some truth to the whole Daddy theory.

I have never looked for older men to support me. I consider myself independent and would never allow myself to be a "Kept" man. I am currently in a relationship with a man that is 28 years my senior. The generation gap between us has NEVER been issue. My father does have a problem with it, but he knows it's not his place to comment on it. Don't get me wrong he does like my dude, just not Me AND my dude as an item. I understand and respect his feelings about my relationship. My father sat me down and said to me "I am ok with you being gay, but why do they have to be my age?" To answer that I told him it's just the way I have always been. Even now I have never been with anyone in my age group for anything other than a fuck. All my friends range from 36-60 years old. Another reason for this is because I am what people call an " Ol' Soul" I am 27 going on 49, and that's a compliment in my eyes. With me being the last of my mother's 4 children I have always been around that old school style upbringing.

As I am writing this blog I am thinking of all the mature men I admire. I want to share a few of them with you. I hope you enjoy. I have separated them by age group.

30's

Tupac: He would be 37 years old had he lived. Can you imagine how he would look now?



Anthony Mackie: A hot up and coming actor that will portray 2pac in the upcoming movie "Notorious"



Chiwetel Ejiofor: This man is so hot. He is a London born actor that can be seen in films like "Inside Man" and "American Gangster"

Idris Elba: Super Fine! I have been stalking... I mean I been "a fan" of his since season one of "The Wire"

40's

Michael Jordan: The Definition of Swagger. He set the standard for athletes becoming a brand.

James Todd aka L.L. Cool J: What can be said about this man that hasn't been said already...

Lenny Kravitz: Style personified... Lenny gave black folks something they haven't since Jimi Hendrix... a Rock God!



Wesley Snipes: This man single handily brought the dark skin brotha in high demand. Super Fine status



Djimon Hounsou: Ever since this African God shook his ass in Janet Jackson's "Love will never do" video I was hooked... He only continues to get better!



Barack Obama: The Great Black Hope. Has already made history, and if there is a god will continue on his path of destiny

50's

Mario Van Peebles: Butter Pecan Goodness. I can't believe he's in his 50's now.



Lavar Burton: Another reason I knew I was gay as a kid? I use to get a hard on watching "Reading Rainbow" and seeing Lavar wear those nut hugging jeans. Damn! even at 51 he is gorgeous



Denzel Washington: Nuff Said!



Samuel L. Jackson: The baddest man in the history of film. At 59 years young he still amazes me



"The Mister": This man makes me so,so...so,so,so,...so,so,so (Say Yes! by Floetry). The Mister is the One I would die for, but more importantly the one I live for.

60's

Issac Hayes: Gone far to soon. You are missed by yours and mine generations. Black Moses will live forever



Herbie Hancock: Sophisticated, Suave, Smooth. Legendary Pianist, and at 69 looks great!



Ben Vereen: The reason I wanted to be Webster as a child... You are awesome!



Avery Brooks: Absolutely magneted, mesmerizing, and hypnotic. As I said before watching him as a kid with my mother I knew something was different about me. Thanks Mr. Brooks



Richard Roundtree: The Original, The One, The King of Cool. He is the Archetype the sexy black man.



Julius "Dr. J" Erving: I see old photos of him from the 70's... I had no idea he would age so well.

70's

Quincy Jones: Set the bar for black musicians/producers, and in my opinion still hasn't been reached by anyone living today. He made Michael Jackson a phenomenon



Melvin Van Peebles: I can imagine him running threw woman like crazy in his day. at 76 years old he still has so much style. maybe even more so than his son Mario.

The Big Reveal- Vol.1: My Name

SJB.... What does it stand for?


After 15 post I think I will SLOWLY reveal what my initials stand for. By the name in the address bar above it should be obvious what the B stands for. So I will reveal the first two letters in a dramatic fashion, because that just the kind of guy I am :-)

Today's letter is S.

I share the same first name as these gentlemen pictured below. My name can be spelled three different ways as demonstrated by the way these fine men spell there versions of my name. My name is a derivative of John. The name "John" originates from the Hebrew יוחנן Yôḥānnān, which means "Yahweh is gracious" or "God is gracious".

Headache Just About Over

As I stated in a past post I have been without a job since the end of summer. I have since been living off my savings and my school refund check. I bumped my head and went and bought a $900 flat panel TV a couple of months because to be honest the TV is worth much more than that, and that price was a steal. I bought it with the thought that I will be working again within two weeks like I always do. Well getting a part-time good paying job is not as easy as I thought it would be. In fact finding full-time work seems to be easier. The whole job searching process is fucked up now. No one takes application by hand anymore. You now have to submit your resume along with thousands of other folks that saw that same online ad, and get lost in the shuffle.

Earlier this year my boy was blessed enough to get the best job in his life. How did he get it? Because he knows much of the staff there personally and was able to get seen by the bosses who liked him and gave him the job, even though that job was a job for current employees. This proves what I have always known... It's not what you know, it's WHO you know. He is doing really well at this new position, and I tell him everyday how proud of him I am. It has been a real headache getting ourselves in a position where we can stop trying to squeeze dollars out of nickels, but I believe God has a plan and although I don't understand it I still follow it.

My situation is also getting brighter. This morning I had a interview/walkthrough with IBM. The job that they want me for is one I am familiar with already, and I am more the comfortable and confident doing. It seems to be everything I pray for. Nice easy-going staff, nice pay, nice hours that don't interfer with my school, everything seems right. After the long walkthrough process I was asked do I feel this job is the right fit for me? I gave them an enthusiastic yes and said I am ready. They informed me there are two other people that will do what I have done today and they will be calling me. All in all I feel good. There might be a christmas after all :-)

Taste

I was playing around with the mister this evening, and by playing I mean, well... use your imagination. Anyway, while playing around it acquired to me I really love the activity, but does (the pic to the left) actually have a taste? I have done it a million times by now. I have applied several food flavors to it including chocolate, strawberry, honey, pineapple, vanilla ice cream, hell even cool mint toothpaste so it can get those hard to reach areas.

Even after trying it in all those flavors there is nothing that comes close to having it in its raw form. Again I want to investigate why this is. After all it technically doesn't have a taste or flavor. So why are people quick to put it in their mouths, and say it taste so good (at least that's what I have been told). Same goes for the backyard (or for my female readers: The baby dispenser) That doesn't have a taste either I would imagine. When I was exclusively dealing with females I NEVER went down there. I always thought it would be like tasting an thawed out fish stick so why would I do that nasty shit?!

I am asking for y'all opinion. For those of you that practice oral sex. Why do you do it? The taste? The feel of a specific organ in your mouth? I must know :-)

Definition of a Freak

I wish I had a dollar for every time I have heard someone refer to themselves as a freak, or say let's freak, or are you a freak? What the hell does that even mean? Does it mean do I like to have sex? Do I like to pull a R.Kelly and shoot pee on my partner? I guess right here and right now I need to know what constitutes a freak. What's the difference between freakin' and fuckin' and just plain sex? How do I become or (if I already am) Stop being a freak? What place does the freak hold in our society? Yes... that right... I want to be a Katie Couric type dude about this topic.

As of right now if I had to define what a freak is I would have to say it is someone who enjoys nontraditional sex. That leads to the question what is nontraditional sex? I would say it's sex that goes beyond the social norm of simply oral sex/intercourse. It may involve piss, scat, multiple partners at the same time, no condoms, ejaculation consumption, spanking, choking, physical violence, verbal abuse, etc... I recently watch a video clip of my fellow blog buddy pimusique (who is a true freak according to my current definition) peeing on one of his partners. That sort of thing I would say goes well beyond of that society defines as traditional sex. If I go by my current definition of freak, than I must admit I am a freak. I do engage in behavior with my partner that doesn't fit under society's view of traditional sex. Yet and still I feel I still haven't reached that true freak status I keep hearing about. Again I refer to my buddy pimusique. Day after day he seems to write about various encounters and they are real eye openers. If there was an freak award he would have to be a nominee if not the winner. I have another online buddy that has been posting his sex videos online for years now. He is proud of the title "Freak", in fact he has it tattooed on his body.

After getting some feedback and a more thorough investigation I will let y'all know if I am truly a freak.

Real Music: Kem "I Can't Stop Loving You"

This is my baby! I am slowly dying awaiting Album III. Come back to me Kem.

Enjoy the show!

The Queen

I have been a Jill Scott fan since day one. Back before the media dubbed her sound "neo soul". I have watched her go from being a shy background singer/ ghost writer, to a world class act that has reached legendary status. I feel she is by far the most talented female artist working today, and she keeps my faith in music. With the radio being flooded with processed music (T.Pain, Souljaboy) It does my heart well to put on some Jill Scott, or Kem, or any other REAL MUSIC ARTISTS. Enjoy the above clip of a live version of her hit song Golden. More to come soon!

This Bitch is Crazy

Unlike my father I am NOT into politics. I don't even follow it, but this is just to important not to comment on. This is a scary time in America right now. Here in Georgia we can't even find gas, let alone a job. To says times are hard would be a great under statement. I am praying that our country gets back on track, but if this crazy B**** becomes VP, or god forbid PRESIDENT of the USA then it's a safe bet we are all doomed. Check out the above video, and tell me if you didn't feel yourself cringe. I couldn't listen to fully in one sitting, it took several attempts, and I agree with everything Jack Cafferty had to say.

A scene to close to home

I recently to a trip to see a friend in West, GA. While there I was going threw his DVD collection and found one that caught my attention. It is called "The Reception" and I must say it is an excellent, touching movie. One scene in particular really got to me because it hit so close to home. It was like they filmed a conversation between myself and a very close friend of mine. In this scene Andrew (the one with glasses) is telling Martin how he feels about him and that he doesn't care if he is POZ, he just wants to be with him. Martin than begins to tell Andrew why this can not be. And they thing he says next about the white men he's been with really got to me. My good friend is POZ and the way the character Martin views himself is how I feel my friends sees himself as well. I am the Andrew character in our friendship/relationship. Enjoy the scene!

Friends: The Definition (part one)

I was having a conversation with the Mister about him having a social outlet after he decides to leave his card club. After some wrangling he admitted that he is not satisfied with the quality of friendships that he has, and that he wants to change that aspect of his life.



According to Wikipedia friendship is

co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

• the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
• sympathy and empathy,
• honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
• mutual understanding.

I think in today's world the word "friend" is used freely to the point of being meaningless. Think about it... if any of you have a myspace or facebook page, how many "friends" do you have? hundreds or maybe even thousands right? Now ask yourself how many of those people do you really know, how many of those folks have shown any of the traits listed in the above definition. That list of hundreds starts to get weaved out very quickly huh?! My point being is that I believe friendship is something that should be taken seriously. After all it is a relationship, more than likely just as intimate as a courtship except without the sex.



(Back to Mister) So I asked him why he wasn't happy with the quality of his friendships. His answer didn't surprise me. He could only name a couple of folks that had the traits of what he considers makes a true friend. The people he named I would have to agree are true friends to him. They have been there for him threw the storm and never left his side. Speaking with Mister made me think about my "friends" and how I really feel about them. Throughout my life, especially since relocating to Atlanta back in 2002 there have been alot of folks enter my life and exit it just as quickly. I have had alot of people here in ATL befriend me because they had an agenda. Either they get free computer work from me, or free movies, or more than likely see what I'm packin and try to get me in bed with them. Either way once they get enough of what they wanted they are gone. I guess that's why I am so cold and nonchalant with people. I have built this shield around me and no longer allow any access to my heart in anyway.



Last year I was "friends" with this guy who I thought was a true friend. He exhibited alot of those traits in the above definition. He was concerned about my well being. Made it his business to meet my friends and family. Offered advise on whatever he could. I mean it was good. I also did the same for him. He loves music like I do so I showed him where to get it, how to get it, etc... Well things went sour, and that's putting it lightly. New Years Eve 2007 I found out some stuff that just made all those good qualities he exhibited go out the window. I won't go into detail but it was dirty to say the least. He did try to redeem himself, and expressed genuine regret and sorrow for what had happened, but by that time I had reactivated the shield and became ice cold. After months of trying he finally gave up, and we no longer speak. Last time I saw him was in March. He periodically hits me up on yahoo, but he now acts like an asshole. For what I don't know and really don't care. He has since been blocked, and when I do that it's usually the last step of me forgetting someone even exist.



I was once told that eventually all relationships fail. People grow up and grow apart and that's just how it is. I don't want to believe this true. My best friends back home in Harrisburg (The twins) I thought would be my friends forever. I haven't talked to them in 5 years... not because we mad at each other, in fact I still love them. It probably was destined that our friendship will run its course and come to an end. The SJB that they knew is dead. They knew a SJB that was deep on the DL (in the closet), They knew a SJB that liked to smoke, that was a thief, a cheat, and a liar. They knew a SJB that was angry, selfish, rude, and reckless. A SJB that was down for anything to help them. He is dead and buried now. He breathed his his last breath in Grady hospital in 2004 (more on that burial in a later post).

What is cheating?

A question was posed in my psych class a couple of weeks ago. The professor asked the question "Is this cheating....?" and then she gave us a real life scenario and asked it again. In the scenario my professor said she ran into an old high school friend and had lunch with him. Later she went home and had dinner with her husband. Her husband asked "how was your day?" which she replied as she always did "same ol same ol". Without going into to much detail she asked the class should she have told about the lunch. Now I should point out that there was NEVER anything of a sexual nature between her and the old friend. They were simply old high school friends. This drew a divide between the guys in the class and the girls.

I personally have asked this question to my friends years ago, but it gave me an opportunity to revisit my stants on this topic. My personal definiton of cheating is when you go outside of the rules and parameters set within that relationship. For example if you and your partner have determmined that it's ok to date other people as long as you tell them about it (and yes I know of real life couples that practice this) then it's NOT cheating. The common and more universally accepted definiton of cheating or infidelity is "any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, and is a breach of faith in an inter-personal relationship". So it's just like I said, It's based on whatever agreement was made about what's acceptable and what's not. In my relationship that lunch scenario mentioned above wouldn't be a problem, and to me it's NOT cheating. Maybe very slighty deceptive but not cheating. In a later post I will go in-depth about what a cheater is and how I have cheated myself. Stay Tuned!

My Train of Thought

Those that know me say I'm crazy or "special" because of the some of the out of this world shit I come up with. Let me explain by giving you some insight on how I think. Things of ordinary convention and explanation bore me. I prefer to think there is cynical, maybe even a tad sinister undertone to most things. Call it the wicked sense of humor, or Black comedy, but I have always dealt with things, especially bad things with a since of humor. I remember when I heard a friend of mine had passed away due to a heart attack at the age of 32, I remember saying something to the affect "his mom is gonna have one too when she see's all the porn laying around his house." I knew that was a terribly inappropriate thing to say, but it is how I kept my emotions in control.

That is just a small example. The overall picture of this train of thought is that I not only think "outside the box" but I burn the box and serve the ashes in a nice drink for all to consume. I hate conformity. I hate being a sheep. In my "lifestyle" there seems to be nothing but conformity. You have to workout 5-6 times a week, have 8 inches are bigger, be a certain skin tone and body shape, go to the club every weekend, or just be a straight up sissy. FUCK THAT!!! I prefer to turn that kind of tradition on it's head. I'm gonna rock my love handles with the same smug and undeserved since of accomplishment everyone else does. I am gonna rock to heavy metal in the hood with the windows down on full volume. I'm gonna go to an museum and look at art rather than go to club and look at boys. I am gonna do all the things that aren't expected for a young, black, (well endowed), gay man to do. Not be defined by my sexuality or race.

Since I have developed this train of thought my life is getting better each day. I have come to find out that people with accept you as long as your are being truthful to who you are. I know I sound like a certain annoying campaign ad, but live above the influence. Develop your own train of thought. I promise you will be a happier person for doing so.

Over 2 Weeks Since My Last Post

Damn man,

This blogging thing is kinda hard to do. I don't remember to do it that often so that's why this is my first post in over two weeks. The last 15 days quite a few things have happened, all good things I must say. I don't think I mentioned in any of my other post, but I have been without a job since the end of summer. Looking for another has been truly a pain in the ass. It has tested my patience as well as my faith in myself, God, and my country. Just when I had decided to go back to peddling smut to earn a living I get a call from a guy telling me he has seen my resume and will like to interview me. I go in this coming Monday.

I felt good about the guy and the job during the phone interview. The Mister worked for this before. He didn't have a good experience there . I won't let this discourage me though. I feel (as does he) that my experience there may be totally different then his, and I should take this chance to further my career in technology. I am excited about this. It seems to be everything I prayed about. It's part-time which I wanted, It doesn't interfere with my class hours, and the pay is fair. I will post the aftermath of my big Monday. Wish me well :)

An Unprivate Diary

A good online buddy of mine recently asked me what gave me the inspiration to start blogging. My immediate answer was "boredom". This not true however. Truth be told I had wanted to be a blogger for awhile now, only thing is my life by some would be seen as pretty damn boring. After all I am just your average 27 year old black male. I work (well in between gigs at the moment), I go to school, I go to church (need to go more often though), I clean my house, I exercise, I love my partner and take care of him, etc, etc, etc.

A good time to me is chillin at home with my dude watching TV or talking about anything that comes to ours minds. I love to go to the movies, go to a good concert, visit museums, maybe have a drink or two at a lounge, and overall visiting new places and doing new things. My current income doesn't leave alot of room to travel the world, but that doesn't detour my interest and motivation to make that happen. You may agree that the things I listed above won't win me blogger of the year awards, or whatever the hell it is bloggers get for having a big reader base.

Things I would typically blog about is how I'm feeling, what my day was like, or any other random thoughts I may want to share. Some will be silly, some will be sad, so will be shocking, some will be boring (lol), but all will be what makes me who I am. Mr. SJB

Unconditional Love

What is unconditional love?

This is a question that is one of interpretation, meaning that it can mean different things. To me unconditional love means just as it sounds. It is love that is based on a certain characteristic, feature, condition, or situation. It is love that is built on a foundation of unbreakable emotional devotion, something that even in the grimmest of moments is strong enough to survive. It is not ever superficial. It is not founded on the premise of material or sexual fulfillment. It is a love that truly is a matter of the heart and soul.

Do I believe it exists? Why or Why Not?

I do believe unconditional love exists when it comes to certain relationship types. An example of this is the love parents have for their children. Beyond that however I have a little doubt that it exists. I have been in a relationship for most of my adult life so far and there are times I wonder if we truly would survive a storm. We sure have put each other to the test (me testing his limits more so than often) and I believe at this point there is almost nothing he can do that would make me stop loving him. So I guess my answer would be I’m on the fence on whether or not I believe unconditional love is real. I have seen so many “relationships” end because one person gained weight, or stopped having sex, or cut their hair. These of course are conditions, and having seen more of that type of relation rather than the strong bond relationships is the thing that has me undecided.

Lost Time

Since I have been without a job for about a month now something has been happening. I am at a complete lost on how to properly use my time. I go to my college classes in the evening, but that leaves me with a mass amount of time in the mornings and afternoons. Looking for a job is not like it use to be. Nowadays the only way to "hunt" is online and that feels so impersonal and counter-productive to me. But what choice do I have? I live in the "web 2.0" world so I must adapt to the new rules of job seeking.

It gets me down sometime, and it is in those moments I of course want to go lay down and sleep thru the depression. I don't want to handle my situations in that way. So starting right now I am vowing to face things head on and use my time effectively.

Wish Me the Best :-)

Day 1

Wow!

I never thought I would be one of those people that "blog" on the net. I don't even know what to say or what to do. I guess it doesn't matter. If my history is any indication than no one will see my "blogs" anyway. So where do I start.... well I guess I can start with a little about me.

My name is Mr. SJB. I am currently 27 years of age, soon to be 28. My hobbies vary, you never know where my interest will be from one day to the next. I am currently a college student (more on that in later blogs). Are you still awake...? If so, good. Hopefully you are remotely interested in reading later post and slowly getting to know Mr. SJB.